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2:38 am
March 22, 2010
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This is defiantly not blacksmith related but I am going to say it anyway.. Many of you knew my son Andrew, He worked with me for the last year and a half. If you knew him you knew he was a good man and a kind soul. I left him at the shop last night, I left without even telling him I was going… I had thought I lost my keys and was in a panic to go find them… When I came in this morning I found him cold and lifeless… he took his own life sometime before midnight At the moment it looks like the strongest contributor was a failing relationship.. I am not a very “real life” social person… most of my interaction with people is through chats and forums …. I just want to let people know… Why or Know what I don’t know….. I am so sorry for him, I feel like I failed him in some way….. And he was such a good kid… None of the problems most kids go through He was just 19 years old… Anyway there is nothing to say…. I know everyone is sorry for my loss and all that… Ive heard it all day, I know they mean it but its hard to hear none the less…. So that’s my piece.
Whatever you are, be a good one.
Abraham Lincoln
3:25 am
January 18, 2011
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Dear Larry, Words aren't enough at a time like this, all I can sat to you and your wife is hang in there............bruce
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss
3:28 am
NWBA Member
June 8, 2010
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Larry, there's nothing to say, except my heart's breaking for you.
Lynn
6:36 am
March 21, 2011
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Oh God, Larry. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your grief. We're all here for you buddy.
[Image Can Not Be Found]
6:54 am
NWBA Member
July 28, 2010
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My heart breaks for you. We don't know each other in any way other then me lurking on these forums. I've been arguing with myself saying to myself you don't need to hear more condolences, but I feel I have to offer them anyways. So I offer them as a stranger and hope that you and yours find peace in time. Hugs to y'all.
Rashelle
3:28 pm
NWBA Member
April 19, 2010
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Tears flowing here while I'm trying to fix breakfast for my family. I'm so sorry Larry. Eric Sprado
Hi Larry, This is Eric's wife, Kathy. You mention you did not tell your son you were leaving the shop. Let that one go. It is just one thing; one random thing on just one evening of a lifetime of your father-son relationship. I have heard that people who end their lives usually do so in the place they feel most safe and most loved. So let go of that one moment.
Love, Kathy and Eric
4:17 pm
March 1, 2011
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Oh man, I really feel for you, Larry. Sorry to hear of your loss.
4:42 pm
September 6, 2010
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Larry as a father I can't help but think of how you must feel. I hope that you and your family work your way throgh this. When we are yung everything can seem more overwhelming and I am shure your son loved you very much. My thoughts will be with you and your family.
Steve
5:06 pm
June 5, 2010
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I feel for you, things often dont make sence. reality is harder to understand than fiction.
I would do whatever it takes to get it all out and instead of just working and trying to bottle it up, I know that is probley what I would do and it doesnt seem to help much and makes it harder and harder to deal with yourself and everyone else
I am back home now my grandmother died so I decided to come and spend time with family
take care of yourself
7:41 pm
August 16, 2010
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So sorry, our thoughts are with you.
2:59 am
June 10, 2010
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Larry my sincere condolences. I'd like to say a bunch more, but respect your wishes. If there is a time you want to talk, I think you will find that there are many of us that have been in similar situations. Rest assured you did not fail him.
6:50 pm
August 14, 2010
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Larry,
The reason everyone says the same old platitudes is because they're true. We can expand upon them, but when I do I frequently wind up feeling like a prick. (I'm still going to try it and I apologize in advance.)
My relationship with my son went through a really rough patch a few years ago, I was afraid he might cut me off completely. (I'm so jealous that your son worked in the shop with you.) We're doing much better now and I don't think it's because of anything I did. I think that, as parents, we have a lot less influence over our grown children's emotional state than we might hope. Please don't spend time beating yourself up over what you could have done differently.
While I'm being confessional, I come from a family where we don't have emotions, or at least we don't talk about them. During my divorce and the difficulty with my son I would find myself paralyzed by waves of emotion that I had no tools for dealing with. I would lie awake at night or just stand in the middle of the shop mentally reviewing the same incident again and again. I eventually got some professional counseling and learned how to work my way through the emotional loops I was getting caught in. I bring this up because someone always suggests counseling, but no one ever says what the hell it's good for. I hope that my experience can help you decide whether it might be useful for you.
Lewis
1:41 am
August 23, 2010
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I am sorry for your loss and can not say anything that has not already been said.. sucks. Lewis said good things about counseling, they know how the brain and emotions work the way we know how metal works.......
5:23 am
March 22, 2010
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Thanks guys... It really does help to know so many people are out there and sending there good will..
I went out to the shop today for the first time since I found him... I wasnt actual sure I could ever go back but I spent a lot of time thinking about what Andrew deserved and what I needed to be ok... What I came to is I dont want to forget Andrew... He was a huge part of my life... I spent more time with him in the last few years than I did anyone else.. He was my son of course but he was also my employee, my apprentice, and I think most importantly my friend... Those are a lot of holes left with his absence.... What I decided is that I need to embrace him, not try and forget. I dont want to purge him from my life but rather get to a point where when things remind me of him it makes me smile... He is a great kid, And I am not just saying that as a father, He was liked by everyone, I constantly got comments on how impressed people where with him.. People went out of there way to tell me what a great guy he was, how much they liked him.. I feel bad I was so hard on him, That I didnt tell him more often how proud I was and how much I appreciated him... I know that someplace deep down past all the crap he knew how I really felt but I wish he would have heard it out of my mouth... I wish I would have taken him being down more seriously... I knew he was torn up about losing his best friend and his girl problems... I just thought it was typical 19 year old stuff... I had no idea he was hurting so bad.... What happened was not something he had planned out... We made plans that day, he ask if he could borrow a bike for a friend so they could go on a ride, He ask about making some metal roses for the girl... He ask if it would be alright if he brought a friend when he came down to the conference on Friday... What ever the trigger was it happened some time after I left... It caused him enough pain that he had to do something... I think he was lost for just a moment and stopping the hurt was all he could see... I think if he would have had just a few more moments or a little more information that he would have found a reason not to end it all... But he didn't have that chance... he lost the chance to come back as soon as the lights went out.... I really feel sorry for him... He just was getting to the good part.... I spent a few hours today talking to a pastor that is going to do his service... I am not a bible thumper but I do believe Andrew is safe, I know he no longer is in pain and I know he was not trying to hurt anyone... He deserved better than this but I am glad that I found him, that I was able to stay with him and that I had the time I did... I do miss him and I know I will forever... It is a tragedy to lose such a kind and wonderful soul....
Whatever you are, be a good one.
Abraham Lincoln
11:48 am
April 7, 2011
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Larry, you were the first to send me a friend request when I registered here so I feel a closeness to you.
I really felt for you when you first posted this and concerned for you. With this last post I feel that you are working through this and are going to be ok. That was a great post and I am glad for you. Just keep on keepin' on.
I am sorry for your loss but glad for your manner of handling it, my friend. From the posts here we know that you really do have a lot of good concerned friends. Most people can never say that.
Wayne Coe
Artist Blacksmith
669 Peters Ford Road
Sunbright, Tennessee
423-628-6444
[EMAIL=waynecoe@highland.net]waynecoe@highland.net[/EMAIL]
http://www.waynecoeartistblacksmith.com
2:01 pm
June 9, 2010
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Larry -
I really hope you and your family can find some peace. You are in everyone's thoughts and we're pulling for you.
Jamie
3:32 pm
January 15, 2011
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So sorry to hear this Larry.
I hope you manage to find some comfort during this most difficult time. Our thoughts are with you and your family.
Warmest Regards
Grant
4:59 pm
NWBA Member
June 17, 2010
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Eric Sprado;11759 wrote: Tears flowing here while I'm trying to fix breakfast for my family. I'm so sorry Larry. Eric Sprado
Hi Larry, This is Eric's wife, Kathy. You mention you did not tell your son you were leaving the shop. Let that one go. It is just one thing; one random thing on just one evening of a lifetime of your father-son relationship. I have heard that people who end their lives usually do so in the place they feel most safe and most loved. So let go of that one moment.
Love, Kathy and Eric
There is no reason to blame yourself, Larry. It is most likely that your son wanted his last moments to be in the place he enjoyed most. There is nothing you could have done or said that would have made any difference. This is not your fault.
My heart goes out to you.
6:17 pm
NWBA Member
April 19, 2010
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Larry, to youand your family please know our prayers and thoughts are with you and yoursduring this difficult time. I only metyour son briefly, but the pride in your introduction was evident. Our small community of smiths stands with youthrough this terrible time.
Bob Johnson
2:01 pm
August 2, 2011
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Larry,
Would like you to know are thoughts & prayers are with you and your family in this very trying time. May there be a silver lining to this sad time and way to remember son in all that he accomplish.
Regards
Jim & Evelyn Riddle
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